I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
