with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
