i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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