Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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