6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
