Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
