Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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