i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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