We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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