I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
