I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
