she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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