well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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