I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
