pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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