Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
