Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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