i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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