You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
