You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
