My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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