no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
