You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
