I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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