yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
