meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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