If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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