Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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