Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
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His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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