I wanna passion pit in your ass
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
