The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
