also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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