Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
