I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
