my phone needs a breathalizer
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I need a burrito and a hug.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
