I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
