YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
