connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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