based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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