i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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