On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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