btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
