Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
