Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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