I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
