hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
