got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
