he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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