haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
