Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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