Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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