I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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