your thong is hanging out like whoa
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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