I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
