I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
