ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
