I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Randomize
