3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
