i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My feet surprised me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
