his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
