So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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