Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
