i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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