just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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