We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
