Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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