Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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