wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
