i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
