Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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