I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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