I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
