Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
