Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
