Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
