i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
