She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
