Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
