My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
